Losing That Loving Feeling: Reconnecting with God's Love When Shame Pulls You Away
Valentine's Day can spotlight love--sometimes with joy, sometimes with the sting of rejection. In this episode of GodNAmerica, Dr. Perry Greene argues that real love is not tied to a holiday or a mood. God's love travels with believers through every season, even when their own feelings run cold.
Dr. Greene walks through why people sometimes experience God's love as distant, how shame can make believers withdraw, and why the gospel's answer is not hiding but returning. Readers will learn how Scripture frames God as a comforter rather than a critic, why guilt is not meant to be a permanent posture, and what rebuilding connection with God--and with other people--can look like in daily life.
Dr. Greene opens by reminding listeners that love is bigger than a date on a calendar. Valentine's Day may have passed, but he emphasizes that true love--human and divine--is not something that gets switched on for a celebration and then switched off when the decorations come down. In his framing, love is meant to endure, and God's love endures most of all.
He anchors that claim in the apostle John's words: "God is love" (1 John 4:8). He then points to the logic that follows in the same chapter--people love God because God loved first (1 John 4:19). In Dr. Greene's telling, that order matters. God's love does not begin as a reward for spiritual performance; it begins before anyone is "lovable," before anyone even lifts their eyes toward Him.
Even with that foundation, Dr. Greene acknowledges a common experience: God's love can feel distant. He connects that distance to the inner conflict Paul describes in Romans 7--the battle between what someone wants to do and what they actually do. When sinful desires win, conscience responds with conviction. The problem is not that conviction exists; the problem is what people do with it.
Instead of running toward God for healing, Dr. Greene says many retreat in shame. He invokes Cain as an example of this reflex. Cain fled after murdering his brother, not because God stopped loving him, but because Cain could not bear to face himself in the presence of that love. In Dr. Greene's view, shame can make God's nearness feel threatening--not because God is unsafe, but because His love exposes what people would rather keep hidden.
He adds a striking observation he once encountered: people often love others because of how those others make them feel about themselves. Affirmation attracts; exposure repels. That tendency, he argues, can spill into spiritual life. Many begin to treat God as a critic rather than a comforter--more like the source of guilt than the source of grace.
Dr. Greene pushes back hard on that picture. When believers sin, they may instinctively pull away, but he insists God does not pull away from them. In his language, God's love does not fade even when human love and confidence do. He pictures God as a shepherd who stays with stubborn sheep, guiding with mercy rather than condemnation.
To illustrate how God's mercy can confront human preferences, Dr. Greene turns to Jonah. God called Jonah to preach repentance to Nineveh--part of Assyria, an enemy of Israel. Jonah ran the other direction. When Jonah finally confessed, Dr. Greene recalls Jonah's words: "I knew that you are a gracious and merciful God, slow to anger and abundant in loving kindness." Jonah's problem was not simply fear of failure; Dr. Greene argues Jonah feared God would succeed--by showing mercy to people Jonah believed did not deserve it.
In that story, God's compassion is larger than Jonah's bias. Dr. Greene suggests that this dynamic still appears today: sometimes people resist God's love because it reveals something uncomfortable about their own hearts--resentments, prejudices, or a desire to decide who is worthy of mercy.
Dr. Greene then notes how often it takes distress to drive people back to God. He tells of an elderly woman whose son said a preacher had been called to pray for her. Her response--"My, has it come to that?"--lands as a warning. Turning to God is not meant to be a last resort; in Dr. Greene's teaching, it should be the first response, not the emergency option pulled out only when everything else collapses.
From there he moves to the cross, which he describes as showing both sides of love's reality. On one hand, it reveals how deeply people are loved: God gave His Son for redemption. On the other hand, it reveals what that love cost. Dr. Greene does not treat this as a tool for endless self-punishment. Instead, he insists that guilt is not meant to become a permanent posture.
Once God forgives, Dr. Greene says believers are free. Yet many keep picking up old sins again--reliving them, replaying them, carrying them--because they cannot believe God is truly that gracious. He calls that posture something more than insecurity. In his view, refusing to accept forgiveness can become a subtle form of pride, because it implies that personal sin outranks God's mercy.
To show an alternative response, Dr. Greene points to King David after David's sin with Bathsheba. David did not run away; he ran back. Dr. Greene highlights David's prayer in Psalm 51: "Restore to me the joy of your salvation...," and David's recognition that God does not despise "a broken and contrite heart" (Psalm 51:12-17). In Dr. Greene's framing, brokenness does not drive God away--it draws Him closer.
He extends that principle into human relationships as well. People hurt one another, but love can grow deeper through repentance and reconciliation. Dr. Greene ties this to Jesus' teaching in Matthew 5: before bringing a gift to God, a person should first seek reconciliation with someone they have wronged (Matthew 5:23-24). For Dr. Greene, that sequence is "love in action"--a refusal to treat worship as a substitute for making things right.
Dr. Greene is realistic that human love can fail. People who once loved may betray or turn away. But he contrasts that with God's posture: God's love builds up; God does not delight in ignoring, humiliating, or tearing down. He points to Romans 8:32 as a logic test for despair: if God did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for humanity, then God is not in the business of withholding love from those He has redeemed.
Finally, Dr. Greene connects sacrificial love to the theme of freedom that runs through GodNAmerica. He quotes John Adams warning posterity that future generations would not fully grasp what it cost to preserve their freedom. Dr. Greene places that alongside the cross. The nation's ancestors bled for liberty; Jesus died for eternal life. In his telling, both gifts deserve gratitude, and both call people to live in a way that honors the sacrifice that secured them.
Dr. Greene closes with a simple reassurance: people may have "lost that loving feeling" toward God, but God has not lost His loving feeling toward them. His counsel is not despair but return--turn back, reconnect, and allow grace to rebuild what shame tried to dismantle.
Application
Start where Dr. Greene starts: God loved first. Feelings fluctuate, but he grounds love in God's character, not in a spiritual "spark." Returning begins by remembering who God is (1 John 4:8) and why anyone can return at all (1 John 4:19).
Name what is actually creating distance. Dr. Greene describes shame as a hiding impulse--like Cain fleeing the presence of love. Identifying shame (rather than pretending it is "just busyness") helps put the real problem on the table.
Treat conviction as an invitation, not a sentence. Dr. Greene's point is not that sin is trivial; the cross shows the cost. His point is that forgiveness is real. Carrying forgiven sin as a lifelong identity is not humility; it competes with mercy.
Practice David's pattern: run back, not away. Dr. Greene highlights Psalm 51 as a model of repentance--honest confession, a request for restored joy, and the trust that God welcomes "a broken and contrite heart."
Return to God before distress forces the issue. The elderly woman's comment is a cautionary mirror: waiting until life collapses turns prayer into a panic button. Dr. Greene urges a "first resort" habit--regular turning, regular dependence, regular trust.
Repair relationships where possible. Dr. Greene applies Matthew 5:23-24 in very practical terms: reconciliation is a form of worship. A sincere step toward peace with someone else can be part of rebuilding spiritual clarity.
Let gratitude shape public life, not just private life. By linking John Adams' warning to the cross, Dr. Greene frames gratitude as a responsibility. Honoring sacrifice--national and spiritual--means refusing to waste what others paid to provide.
Illustrative example: a believer fails in a familiar pattern, feels immediate self-disgust, and stops praying for a week "until things feel better." Dr. Greene's framework would interpret that pause as shame-driven retreat. The counter-move is not self-exile, but confession and return--bringing the failure into God's mercy rather than hiding from it.
TL;DR
Dr. Perry Greene argues that love is not bound to Valentine's Day or any calendar moment.
He grounds the episode in 1 John 4:8 ("God is love") and the truth that God loved first (1 John 4:19).
He connects spiritual distance to Romans 7's inner conflict and the shame that follows failure.
Greene says people often pull away from God after sin, but God does not pull away from them.
He portrays God as a shepherd who guides stubborn sheep with mercy rather than condemnation.
Jonah is used to show how God's mercy can expose human bias and resistance.
The cross reveals both the depth of love and the cost of redemption; guilt is not meant to be permanent.
Greene warns that refusing forgiveness can become pride by implying sin is greater than mercy.
David's repentance in Psalm 51 is presented as the model: run back to God with a broken, contrite heart.
He links sacrificial love to freedom, urging gratitude for both national sacrifice and Christ's sacrifice.
Discussion Questions
According to Dr. Greene, what makes God's love different from love that depends on a season, a holiday, or a feeling?
Where does shame tend to push someone after failure--toward hiding or toward healing--and why does Dr. Greene say that matters?
How does the story of Jonah challenge the impulse to decide who "deserves" mercy?
What does Dr. Greene mean when he says repeatedly carrying forgiven sin can shift from humility into pride?
In what ways does reconciliation with others (Matthew 5:23-24) connect to spiritual health in Dr. Greene's teaching?
Apply It This Week
Write down one area where shame has created distance from God, then practice a Psalm 51-style return: honest confession and a request for restored joy.
Choose one relationship where reconciliation is needed and take a concrete first step (a call, a message, an apology, or a request to talk).
Replace one "last resort" habit with a "first resort" habit: set a daily time to turn to God before the day's problems stack up.
Spend a few minutes reflecting on a sacrifice that secured freedom (in the nation or in the gospel), then express gratitude in a specific action--service, generosity, or encouragement.
Prayer Prompt
God of mercy, restore the joy that shame has stolen. Teach hearts to run back rather than hide, to receive forgiveness with humility, and to practice reconciliation with others. Keep the light of Your love burning. Amen.